Love Languages: How Americans Connect on Dating Apps

Dating is tricky. Finding a compatible partner can be a challenge, even if you have prospects at your fingertips.

In 2021, over 30.4 million Americans turned to dating apps, and this figure is expected to rise by an additional 5 million within the next five years. That’s a significant number of swipes, initial messages, and engaging conversations! To better understand how people connect on these platforms today, we explored the most effective communication techniques that lead to success in the digital dating landscape.

To uncover the insights, we conducted a survey with nearly 2,000 individuals, all of whom had engaged with a dating app at least once in the past five years.

Key takeaways

• 68% swipe left on attractive people with poor grammar or punctuation in their profile. 
• 70% believe it’s possible to fall in love through messaging on a dating app, and 75% have entered a committed relationship with someone they met online.
• 15% of users check their apps 10 to 14 times per day.

How Americans use dating apps

In the world of digital matchmaking, Americans value their choices—especially when it comes to potential partners. Among current dating app users, a striking 20% are exploring five or more platforms simultaneously, while a substantial 80% opt for paid subscriptions to enhance their experience. The leading apps dominating the market right now include:

• Tinder: 58%
• Bumble: 34%
• Hinge: 29%
• OkCupid: 29%
• Coffee Meets Bagel: 27% 

Users are not merely passive participants in these apps; they are highly engaged. Almost 20% of users take part in at least 10 different conversations, while a quarter of them check their apps between 5 to 9 times daily. Additionally, 15% of users log in an impressive 10 to 14 times a day.

For many individuals, app usage significantly fills their daily routines. In fact, nearly 40% of users dedicate a minimum of two hours to dating apps daily. Alarmingly, 15% of these users confess to spending three or more hours each day swiping and chatting.

While it may seem like a lot of effort, that commitment frequently yields great rewards. In fact, nearly 75% of people have found themselves in a serious relationship with someone they connected with through a dating app.

Did dating app usage change during the COVID-19 pandemic? Yes, sort of.

The COVID-19 pandemic has significantly transformed the dating landscape, particularly through dating apps. With quarantines and lockdowns in place, users found themselves engaging more than ever, resulting in a surge of messages. In fact, over half of those surveyed reported that they were reaching out to potential matches more frequently than before the pandemic.

Despite the hopeful messaging, the reality for many was different when it came to dating. Only 40% of people reported going on more dates than they did prior to the pandemic. In fact, a significant 62% experienced either the same number of dates or even fewer during that time. While lockdown restrictions played a role, concerns about safety were also a major factor influencing dating habits.

Interestingly, numerous users have shared their experiences of feeling pressured to compromise their pandemic safety at least once. In fact, a striking 60% reported that someone attempted to persuade them to set aside their health concerns for the sake of going on a date.

How we communicate on dating apps

In today’s dating landscape, individuals are exploring multiple apps and juggling numerous conversations simultaneously. With this whirlwind of communication, how can people genuinely forge meaningful connections?

Absolutely! Engaging in meaningful conversations is easier than you might think. In fact, 70% of users across various apps report that initiating these conversations is simple or very straightforward. Furthermore, nearly 75% believe that it’s possible to develop romantic feelings after just chatting on an app. That’s fantastic! But what exactly defines a meaningful conversation?

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The start of any conversation holds significant weight for many individuals. In fact, over 60% of users take the initiative to send the first message. Additionally, nearly 40% believe that a strong opening line is crucial. However, there’s no need to stress over elaborate introductions. The most effective openers tend to be straightforward and relatable, including:

• Something that shows you have common interests.
• Something that has to do with someone’s profile.
• A simple introduction (e.g., “Hi” or “Hi, I’m ____”).

When you receive a message, what’s your next move? Interestingly, about 75% of users admit they feel anxious about being judged for how quickly they reply. However, a significant 42% actually value prompt responses. So, if you’re someone who likes to respond quickly, rest assured—many people appreciate your efficiency!

Do language barriers and grammar matter on dating apps?

Among those who matched with partners lacking fluency in English, 57% reported encountering a language barrier. However, a remarkable 64% adapted their communication style to bridge the gap, and 70% persisted in getting to know their match better. With an abundance of local and online language tutoring options available, there’s no reason to let language differences stand in the way of pursuing love.

While a language barrier might not be a dealbreaker, poor grammar is.

A striking 95% of respondents believe that correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar are crucial. Interestingly, 35% view inadequate education as a significant turn-off in a potential match. Moreover, 68% admit to swiping left on attractive individuals whose profiles contain poor grammar or punctuation, highlighting the impact of language skills in online dating.

Did you know that 62% of users are likely to stop replying if they encounter spelling and grammar mistakes? This statistic highlights a crucial aspect of online dating—polishing your grammar can significantly enhance your chances of success.

Research shows that both men and women are equally inclined to discontinue messaging attractive individuals who use poor grammar. In fact, many will choose to reject a match based solely on this issue. While 40% of women consider grammar and punctuation when evaluating a match, nearly one-third of men share this sentiment.

Almost 75% of people express concern that punctuation can significantly affect how their message is perceived. With just a period or a capital letter capable of conveying various emotions, the way we structure our sentences becomes crucial. Interestingly, around 70% of users have opted to eliminate punctuation in order to create a more relaxed tone in their communications.

One of the most significant grammatical pitfalls lies in common spelling mistakes, particularly the “big ones.” Among these, the misuse of “your” and “you’re” stands out as one of the most unattractive errors. If you find yourself struggling with “its/it’s,” “there/their,” and “your/you’re,” consider seeking online English grammar tutoring to enhance your skills and boost your confidence in communication, paving the way for a more successful love life.

What makes a perfect message?

While grammar is crucial for effective communication, it’s not the only element that makes a message stand out. A captivating opening line, appropriate style, and well-considered timing are equally essential in crafting a compelling message.

A significant 55% of respondents favor sending and receiving a single, comprehensive message. Over a quarter of users send their initial message just minutes after matching, while another 25% prefer to respond within that same timeframe. Interestingly, 25% of participants feel that waiting a couple of hours before replying is more appropriate. In summary, preferences for messaging timing vary among users.

The biggest red flags on dating apps

Once messaging begins in earnest, though, there is still etiquette to be followed. 

A thorough profile is crucial for 97% of respondents, but it’s not enough just to fill it out. Your profile also needs to be carefully crafted. The study highlights that avoiding snarky comments and pop culture references is essential. The phrases that raised the most concerns included:

• “Impress me”
• “Work hard, play hard”
• “Please don’t waste my time with…”
• “No drama”
• “I’m X height, because apparently that matters.”

Additionally, 25% of people dislike seeing movie quotes and entertainment references in profiles. So, you might want to rethink including your favorite lines from The Office or the Harry Potter series.

The subjects we choose to discuss play a crucial role in our interactions. At the outset of conversations, it’s wise to steer clear of sensitive topics such as money, sex, work, religion, and COVID-19, as these can create discomfort or tension.

Money is considered the most sensitive topic across all age groups, with the exception of Gen Z, for whom religion raises the most red flags. While these subjects are undeniably significant, they tend to be less favorable for conversation in the initial stages of messaging.

How safe do we feel on dating apps?

Feeling secure is essential when reaching out to someone new on a dating app. Alarmingly, over 60% of users have reported feeling unsafe at least once during their online dating experiences. This concern isn’t limited to a particular gender; both men and women report similar levels of discomfort, with 62% of men and 67% of women experiencing unsafe situations.

When users feel unsafe after a match, over 40% choose to report the issue to the app provider, while an additional 38% decide to stop communicating with the other person. However, in our digital landscape, these actions may not effectively resolve the underlying issue.

Surprisingly, over 61% of users have been reached out to by someone on a different platform, despite having swiped left or expressed disinterest. Additionally, more than 60% of users receive unsolicited explicit messages and images. This trend spans across genders, with 65% of men and 67% of women reporting such unwanted communications.

Conclusion

In today’s digital landscape, discovering love feels more accessible than ever. With just a swipe on an app, you can connect with millions of potential matches right from the comfort of your couch. However, it’s important to remember that these matchmaking platforms have their own unique rules and limitations to navigate.

In a text-driven environment, mastering grammar and spelling is crucial. A solid understanding of written communication significantly boosts your chances of making a connection. The importance of a compelling profile cannot be overstated; when potential matches first encounter your photos and descriptions, they form their initial impressions based on those elements.

When you discover a potential match, keep the conversation light and enjoyable. Steer clear of heavy subjects like finances or religion; instead, focus on shared hobbies and interests to establish a connection. While online matchmaking offers the chance to chat with multiple people at once, the quality of your interactions is crucial. Remember, the first conversations can significantly influence the success of any budding relationship.

Methodology

On January 10 and 11, 2022, we conducted a survey involving 1,822 individuals who have used dating apps within the last five years to gather insights about their experiences. Among the respondents, 54% identified as male and 46% as female, with an average age of 36. Notably, 69% of participants identified as heterosexual, 29% as queer, while 2% chose not to disclose their sexual orientation.